Saying No!

It’s such a small word but often the hardest one to say. All the times we don’t say it, accumulates into spending an awful amount of time on other peoples stuff and  not nearly enough on us.

Why we find it hard to say “No”

- You want to help
- Fear of appearing rude
- You want to be liked
- Fear of causing conflict
- You might miss out on something

These are all false beliefs in our mind.  It is more about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. You have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone else and saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space.

Four good reasons for saying “No”

1. When you say no to a new commitment, you are honouring your existing obligations and ensuring that you will be able to devote quality time to them.
2. Saying no will give you time to pursue other interests.
3. Always saying yes isn’t healthy. When you’re over-committed you’re more likely to feel run-down and get sick.
4. Saying yes can cut others out. When you say no you open the doors for others to step up, get involved and gain new experiences.

When to say no

Focus on what matters most. Examine your current obligations and ask yourself if the new commitment is important to you. If not, take a pass.
Weigh the yes-to-stress ratio. Is the new activity you’re considering a short or long term commitment? Don’t say yes if it will mean months of added stress. Instead, look for other ways to contribute.
Take guilt out of the equation. Don’t agree to a request you would rather decline because of feelings of guilt or obligation. Doing so will lead to additional stress and resentment.
Sleep on it. Before you respond, take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments and priorities.

How to say no

Say no.  The word “no” has power. Don’t be afraid to use it. Be careful about using soft substitutes, such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.” These can be interpreted to mean that you might say yes later.
Be brief. State your reason for refusing the request, but don’t go on about it. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations.
Be honest. Don’t fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
Be respectful. Many good causes land at your door and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the group’s effort while saying that you can’t commit at this shows that you respect what they’re trying to accomplish.
Be ready to repeat. You may find it necessary to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. When that happens, just hit the replay button. Calmly repeat your no with  your original rationale.

7 Simple ways to say “No”

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something, check in with me at X time?”
3. “I’d love to do this, but…”
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
7. “No, I can’t.”

Saying no won’t be easy if you are used to saying yes all the time. Learning to say no is an important part of simplifying your life and managing stress. With a little practice, you will find saying no gets a whole lot easier.